shalom!

well, I'm back......(yawn)
Had a really nice and relaxing time...went out to eat...just enjoyed...
Probably wont' have access to computer for the next few weeks, so
enjoy your summer everyone!
(I'll try to somehow visit once in a while)

Ta ta for now!

out of the closet...

I finally did it...

I came out of the closet...

I told my mother....

No, no... I'm straight, thank you- but, still, this might seem weird, what I'm about to say... or write...

I told my mother that I was going on a rendevouz with my husband.

Yes... that's what I came out with.
I know it sounds stupid, but... I still feel that I can't tell my mother everything- no matter how close we are.

I told her that I was going to my sister-in-law's house for a bbq, and that I was going to sleep over. She doesn't know my sis-in-laws number, so I was safe.

But reeeaally... I was going on a secret rendevouz with my... hubby!
We decided that, since my mom was watching the kids for the week, and we'd be getting them back on Thursday, we might as well grab the last day we have left, meet halfway (me coming from the city, going to college, and he, coming from his job upstate) and have an overnight date!

BUT... I couldn't tell her that! I just couldn't! She would KNOW! She'd know what we were up to!! NO No!! I couldn't THINK of her seeing me.... THAT way!!!

I don't know, I guess I still have that phobia from when I was single, that I can't tell her what I'm REALLy up to!
And that's just crazy, cuz I'm a married woman, with 2 adorable kids, and an adorable husband.... so why should I be afraid?!??!?!

Well, I'll tell you... I was really afraid that she would start going at me, "Why do you have to meet? Why are you wasting all that money? You're gonna see each other in one day! What's the big deal?", and "Where you gonna go? What are you gonna do? Go to a motel, not a hotel, it's much cheaper..." and on and on.. I was afraid. (i was also afraid she'd find out the other reason i was going- which is none of anyone's business)

BUT... I decided to tell it to her. I decided to say, "well, change of plans. I decided not to go to (sis-in-law) and to go on a date with (hubby), being that it's the last time we'll be alone in a while, cuz we're taking back the kids!"
and she said, "Oh wow! that's so nice? You're gonna stay over at your house (which was the halfway point)?" and I said "no, probably a hotel" and she said "oh!"

And that was it.
So, why do I still feel like I can't tell my parents everything that I REALLY do?

PS- ANY SIBLINGS READING THIS- DON'T TELL!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY!!!!
LOL

Some politics...

I was listening to NPR news, Thursday, at around 7ish, and they had a guest on air, who would help shed some light on Lebanon, Hezbollah, and the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. I'm known to be a little naive at times, so I wonder if the slight sparkle of hope I felt was premature and well.... naive.

This is part of the conversation between the host(ess) and guest.
Just a side point- I was pretty impressed that an NPR radio host would ask such direct questions that demanded an answer to Hezbollah's actions, as I don't think NPR is especially known as pro-Israel, although I've never heard that it is necessarily anti, either)

Conversation between NPR show host and Julia Shekar of Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, on NPR news:

NPR: What is the history of Hezbollah?

Julia: At the time of Israeli's occupation(?) of Lebanon, they had shipped the PLO out of the country, so a faction of [an Arab] party broke off and created Hezbollah as a resistance group to Israel. When the Lebanese government was formed, they all sat down and signed an agreement that none of the parties would bear arms. However, as they were signing, no one mentioned Hezbollah, as it was an unwritten and almost unspoken agreement that Hezbollah would continue to bear arms, as they were more of a resistance group than a political group. When Israel left Lebanon, many political groups in Lebanon wanted Hezbollah to disarm, but it was something that would not happen. Hezbollah, by that time, was too strong- politically and [in other ways]. They represented most of the poor Shiites who live in South Lebanon. They were already more of regional leaders than a small resistance group.

NPR: What does the Lebanese government think of Hezbollah?

J: The Lebanese government would like Hezbollah to disarm, but it doesn't seem like that will happen.

N: Do they condone the rocket attacks that Hezbollah has done to Israel before this war?

J: The Lebanese government never protested against it, but never condoned it either.

N: Is it true that Hezbollah has their military equipment all set up within civilian areas? That rockets are shot from within civilian areas?

J: Well, I don't know about their military operations, but I know that Hezbollah leaders, like Nasrallah (and others) live amongst the civilians, among families and businesses.

N: Do you think Hezbollah can ever be gotten rid of?

J: No, because although the Israelis were able to get rid of the PLO in Lebanon, by just shipping them off somewhere, Hezbollah leaders are from Lebanon, they are part of the government, so they would not be able to do that.

From this conversation, I was able to confirm my thoughts(?) that Lebanon does not care for Israel, does not want it to exist- to say the least...
But, what is my spark of hope I mentioned before?

Well, just the fact that the Lebanese government does not want Hezbollah to be able to bear arms. If they would not be able to bear arms, perhaps alot, if not most, of the attacks would cease in Israel. The attacks from Hezbollah, anyway.

But will it ever happen?

I don't think my naivete extends that far...

Professionally helped

I'm trying to decide which is better.. the old-world view of things or the new-world view of things... and let me explain in which context.

My husband's grandmother was an old woman- 88 or so- when she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had been feeling unwell for a while, aching back, no energy, etc. My husband, an EMT, went to visit her one day, saw how she looked and called Hatzalah. She was taken to the hospital, finally, as this was the third or so time that Hatzalah came for her, but she had always refused to go with them. Anyway, she was diagnosed at the hospital, and the doctor told her to come to his office in about a week to see what there was to do about it.

Now, my husband's grandmother and his parents are all old-world people. Before she was diagnosed, Bobby (we will call her as of now) refused to go to doctors to see why she wasn't feeling well. My in-laws wanted to take her to a doctor, but after once of saying 'No' they never pushed. Why? Because doctors don't know what they're doing... they kill you at the hospital... she doesn't want to go, what can I do?..... Oh, I have some medicine in the cabinet from.. around six years ago, maybe that will help her...

Well, it took a long painful year, and finally, at the end, she died, suffering.

And I get so mad thinking about it.

Doctors are there to help. And I'm not only talking about Medical doctors, I'm talking about people that have PhD's, MD's, or whatever other kind of doctorate degree there is! Therapists, psychologists, doctors, and surgeons- they're not there to kill you! that's not what they went to school for!

They went to school to learn how to help and to heal.

Now, there's another problem. I believe, after much discussion with a knowledgeable person, that a close relative, who is influenced by my in-laws, needs to see a psychologist to work out some real problems of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-belief. Others that are close to this person have tried to help in numerous ways... but to no avail. This person is stuck at age 14, cannot make decisions for his/herself, cannot go or do anything without getting approval from someone, is not friends with anyone this person's age- only younger, much younger. And this person is 23. S/he needs help.

And my in-laws, being the influential people they are to this person (otherwise they are great), will not even HEAR of going to a psychologist! "What! You think s/he's crazy!? Whatsa matter with you!?!?"

What is so wrong with going for help? Some poeple think that going for help puts you into damnation forever. Well, the world does not have to know about it.
Only you.
And no one else. Not any other relative or sibling, or cousin or whatever!

Now, the new-world view of things is... "you got a problem, go to a doctor. You had a spat with hubby, go to a psychologist. You didn't get pregnant right away, get infertility drugs.."

I do think some of these things are important, but all in good time! You don't have to ruuunnn to a doctor every time you have a cold, or when you had a good yelling session with the spouse, however, there is a limit to how long you can hold off as well....

To go or not to go.. That is the question....

I have vented....

ooh, the HEAT!

It is HOT. and I mean HOOOOTTTTT!!!

It's the kind of hot, that when you stand in the kitchen, making yourself a celery and peanut butter snack- y'know, the kind where you put tons and tons of yummy, creamy peanut butter into the 'valley' of the celery 'til it's full up- and you just break out into a sweat.... literally.

I was standing there and I felt.. pop..pop..poppity pop...pitypoppitypop...pitypoppoppopopopopopop.. until my whole face was covered in little tiny sweat drops... all just from doing the crime of standing in the heat making a peanut butter and celery snack. What a punishment.

It's the kind of heat, that when you walk outside... you feel like some little kid is on your back, trying really really hard to push you to the ground. It's...what's the word... oppressive heat. Gravitationilized heat. Oh, and not only is this kid trying to knock you down, he's (of course it's a boy. Would a girl a ever do such a thing:o) also spraying a water gun in your face! So, now you're boiling hot, feel like you're being knocked down, and soaking wet-
and you're STILL standing in one place!!???

GET INSIDE NOW!!!

Open that Air Conditioner!

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...........

Let me in!

I've been introduced.... and almost hooked. You're only hooked when you go on every day, post every day, and write every day... which I haven't.... yet. We'll see how it goes I guess, though, just by looking at my name you can probably guess how often I'll be checking up on my blog!! Ooops, shouldn't say that, huh? Then no one will be visiting...

You're loss:o)

I've gotta say, I've checked out some bloggers, and it's like you have lots of fun..

Hope to join you all (phone rang-it's hubby)in your fun, soon!