Saturday night- April 28
I can't believe I held out so long. It was a hard week, somehow. As the week wore on, I was getting more and more terse with my kids. I couldn't handle the loud noises, kvetching, whining, and rowdiness. I just couldn't. It didn't help that half the time I had to spend in bed, because I was feeling contractions, which I shouldn't be, in my barely eighth month. I can't say I was too proud of myself this week. Yes, I managed to brush Actress's hair at least two times! I guess that's an accomplishment, along with preparing the kid's snacks' and lunches. But I couldn't handle Princess's theatrics when she didn't want to wear what I prepared for her. I just left. I was late for carpool anyway.
The one good thing I did do, was I cancelled my after-work one-on-one job with this boy I work with. I only did it, because I was feeling terrible, sure that I was going to give birth any minute, but I also got home earlier and was able to be there with my kids. For that, anything is worth it, as much as I can't handle the rowdiness, kvetching and everything else that comes along with it.
Then, this weekend, I went to two extremes. First, on Friday night, I was, again, not feeling well, so I told Daddy that I was going to bed and could he please take care of the kids. He did. He was really good about it, and I went to bed. The next morning, on Shabbos, I woke up early. I don't even try to wake up Daddy. It's not worth it. He's just not a morning person. But, I almost couldn't handle it. As many times as I asked Boy to be quiet, or to be a little quieter, he just couldn't. Sometimes, I think that he just CAN'T. He doesn't have ADHD as far as I know. Trust me. I thought of that a looooonnnnggg time ago! He's just one of those more energetic kids that has a loud voice and has a hard time controlling himself. He does great in school, so I'm not putting him on meds so that he can be quiet at home. That would be absurd. but I sure feel like doing it sometimes.
I told the kids, if they got dressed, then they could go to shul. So, Actress and Princess did just that. And they were ready in no time. Boy.... well... he just rolled on the floor (literally) twirled his clothes, took one arm out of his pj top, and then realized that everyone else had gone, so started getting dressed really quick. Of course, he asked for my help, but, knowing how perfectly capable he is, I told him that he had had the chance of me helping him when I had been in the room helping Princess, but now I was busy preparing for the meal. I did relent and help him with the buttons, but that was it. Finally, he was ready. Luckily, I was busy preparing, because I think I would have gone mad, watching him putting on one sock.. a.t. a. t.i.m.e. Just like that.
That morning was not good. I yelled at Boy for spilling milk on the table and not cleaning it up, but it might not have been him, in the end. I still don't know for sure. I looked calm when I told the kids that they had to sweep up the mess they made on the living room floor with the croutons, but I was just below the simmering point. But one thing I did today that made me proud of me, was later on. Boy had come home from playing outside and the two girls were at a neighbor, playing. I really really just wanted to read and relax, but then I focused on Boy, who was scrounging through the snack cabinet, then looking in the fridge, then just sitting and trying to talk to me. I realized, he was bored! After trying to see if there were any friends he might want to go to (none), I told myself, "ok, this is not right. You don't have many chances to spend quality time with him." So, I shut my book and said, "Do you want to play a game with me?" If you knew how much effort that took for me to do..... but his quick response was worth it. And, you know? We had fun! He taught me a new game, and we really had fun! By the time we were done, Daddy had to get up and then supper was served and after two more card games of Old Maid with Actress- the rowdiness started up again.
I couldn't handle it. The minute Shabbos was over, I told Daddy- "I'm locking myself in the room. I just can't handle this right now." And that's where I am now. The kids are sleeping, but not before their rowdiness got a little too out of hand that Daddy had to intervene, in a not-so-pleasant manner, but it achieved the quietness in the house!
So, I can't say I was too proud of myself and would give myselft the Mother of the Year award, but it was nice to play a game together:) That's worth it!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
New Series- Parenting
I haven't had time or patience to blog for a while, but I decided to try and give it a go one more time. I've decided that I want to focus on parenting. I want to write about my parenting experiences, what I see other's do, and what I learn from it all. It's more of a venting, thinking and re-thinking format for me, and, hey, you might learn some good points, too.
Before I became a parent, things were so simple. I did what I wanted, I didn't have to care who sees or knows (exceptmy parents, of course!), and I didn't have to feel like there's something I had to live up to.
Once I had kids, it all changed. Now, I can't do whatever I want to- my kids might copy me and it might be inappropriate/ dangerous/ they're underage etc, I do end up caring if my kids see me or know what I'm doing (if it's inappropriate) and I definitely feel like I have an image to live up to.
As I go through my day, I have to always keep these thoughts in mind and wonder, "Do I want my kids doing this?" Trust me, it's not easy.
Tues, 4/24/2012
I woke up late. One hour late. 7:30 instead of 6:30. That can throw all parenting procedures off track. Will I get to make my kids lunch today? Prepare their snack? See them all dressed and looking ready to face the world? For today, somewhat. I got out of bed and got myself ready first. I managed to get the kids' snacks and lunches out and then it was time to leave. Problem. I had promised Actress (totally her personality), my oldest, 8 yrs old, that I would brush her hair before school, so that she would have a nice, smooth hairstyle, instead of a bumpy ponytail. And I totally forgot. Rule #1- don't forget to do things you promised to do. As I'm driving to meet my carpool, poor Actress calls me up, and sadly accuses me of not brushing her hair and then defiantly says that she WON'T brush it, and she doesn't care.
Rule #2- I remember that one thing they always say to do when dealing with kids, is to commiserate with them and show them that you hear and feel their pain. So, I told her, "Actress, I know. I'm so sorry. I really wanted to brush your hair this morning, but I woke up late and totally forgot. Please brush it nicely yourself, because I really want you to look good, like a mentch." Hmm... she might get the idea that I think she doesn't look good. Well, by then, she's already hung up in a huff, but I call my husband to tell him to make sure that she actually does brush her hair.
The afternoon was not too bad. I had supper ready at a fairly decent time and the kids were out playing until then. Whew. And not only that, tonight, we actually all sat together at the table! Actress, of course, brought a book with her and propped it up in front of her face, while Daddy took out his Droid and starting playing around with it. I looked at Actress and said, "Actress, you know that I don't like it when you read at the table when we're all together. When you eat alone, you can, but not when we're all together. Nothing (ahem, glare at Daddy) should be on the table now."
Thank goodness she listened (and so did he). We actually all spoke about our day and had a nice calm meal. Actually, no. There was the incident with the Chair. I have this big stool that I use in the kitchen when I'm pregnant (which I am now) to sit on so that I can work at the counter and not stay on my feet for too long. Boy (because he just totally IS), my seven yr old, brought the chair to the table and sat on it. I told him I wasn't too happy, but I let it go. Of course, then Princess (totally acts like one), 4, wants to sit on it, and the minute that Boy gets up to get something, she tries to get on it. I block her attempts and tell her that it's Boy's chair. Boy, does she put up a fuss, but I gently repeat what I said and ignore the rest. Point 1 for Mom!!
Boy, though, can't stand the noise and decides he'll give up his chair, but then decides he wants it back. Sigh. So, I set the kitchen timer and tell Princess, when it rings she has to give the chair back to Boy. She agrees. No prob. But, then the timer rings. And, she refuses to budge. So, in a calm voice (really), I warn her that if she doesn't get up when I say '3' she's gonna get.... but I don't finish, because I don't really know what to say. This is not worth a punishment, honestly. Well, finally, she does give it up, in a huff, but as Boy is pulling the chair back to him, he bangs Princess's finger.
ENOUGH. I'VE HAD IT. That's when I semi-blow. I tell him, under no circumstances is that chair to be at the table, but he refuses to listen. So, Daddy says, "maybe he doesn't deserve to play a video game with me (which they were gonna do after supper)." Boy thinks. I tell him, "either you bring the chair to the table and you have it, but you don't get to play, or you put the chair back and sit nicely and you'll get to play."
Boy is NOT happy, as he pushes the chair back. it falls to the floor. Ooops. He knows that's not good, so he quickly picks it up and puts it back nicely, but doesn't stop his grumbling. I'd love to punish him for grumbling, because I can't STAND it, but Rule #3- choose your battles. Don't fight everything. I chose to chill. And you konw what? Things calmed down pretty quick after that. Showers were taken, homework done and games played, all with little incident.
My only little secret, is that I give my kids Melatonin, about 1/4 of a teaspoon or less, but it helps calm them down and lets them fall asleep at a decent hour. And it gives me some time to rest. I've had days where my kids were in bed at 7:30 and the last one only fell asleep at 10pm. Not fun.
Rule #4- cut yourself some slack! This is mine:)
So, my Rules for today: 1- don't break promises, 2- feel your child's pain, 3- choose your battles, and 4- cut YOURSELF some slack!
There's probably many more rules in there somewhere. There always is. but, I think, overall, today was a good day... Now, I have to study. I wish I could parent myself sometimes...sigh.
Before I became a parent, things were so simple. I did what I wanted, I didn't have to care who sees or knows (exceptmy parents, of course!), and I didn't have to feel like there's something I had to live up to.
Once I had kids, it all changed. Now, I can't do whatever I want to- my kids might copy me and it might be inappropriate/ dangerous/ they're underage etc, I do end up caring if my kids see me or know what I'm doing (if it's inappropriate) and I definitely feel like I have an image to live up to.
As I go through my day, I have to always keep these thoughts in mind and wonder, "Do I want my kids doing this?" Trust me, it's not easy.
Tues, 4/24/2012
I woke up late. One hour late. 7:30 instead of 6:30. That can throw all parenting procedures off track. Will I get to make my kids lunch today? Prepare their snack? See them all dressed and looking ready to face the world? For today, somewhat. I got out of bed and got myself ready first. I managed to get the kids' snacks and lunches out and then it was time to leave. Problem. I had promised Actress (totally her personality), my oldest, 8 yrs old, that I would brush her hair before school, so that she would have a nice, smooth hairstyle, instead of a bumpy ponytail. And I totally forgot. Rule #1- don't forget to do things you promised to do. As I'm driving to meet my carpool, poor Actress calls me up, and sadly accuses me of not brushing her hair and then defiantly says that she WON'T brush it, and she doesn't care.
Rule #2- I remember that one thing they always say to do when dealing with kids, is to commiserate with them and show them that you hear and feel their pain. So, I told her, "Actress, I know. I'm so sorry. I really wanted to brush your hair this morning, but I woke up late and totally forgot. Please brush it nicely yourself, because I really want you to look good, like a mentch." Hmm... she might get the idea that I think she doesn't look good. Well, by then, she's already hung up in a huff, but I call my husband to tell him to make sure that she actually does brush her hair.
The afternoon was not too bad. I had supper ready at a fairly decent time and the kids were out playing until then. Whew. And not only that, tonight, we actually all sat together at the table! Actress, of course, brought a book with her and propped it up in front of her face, while Daddy took out his Droid and starting playing around with it. I looked at Actress and said, "Actress, you know that I don't like it when you read at the table when we're all together. When you eat alone, you can, but not when we're all together. Nothing (ahem, glare at Daddy) should be on the table now."
Thank goodness she listened (and so did he). We actually all spoke about our day and had a nice calm meal. Actually, no. There was the incident with the Chair. I have this big stool that I use in the kitchen when I'm pregnant (which I am now) to sit on so that I can work at the counter and not stay on my feet for too long. Boy (because he just totally IS), my seven yr old, brought the chair to the table and sat on it. I told him I wasn't too happy, but I let it go. Of course, then Princess (totally acts like one), 4, wants to sit on it, and the minute that Boy gets up to get something, she tries to get on it. I block her attempts and tell her that it's Boy's chair. Boy, does she put up a fuss, but I gently repeat what I said and ignore the rest. Point 1 for Mom!!
Boy, though, can't stand the noise and decides he'll give up his chair, but then decides he wants it back. Sigh. So, I set the kitchen timer and tell Princess, when it rings she has to give the chair back to Boy. She agrees. No prob. But, then the timer rings. And, she refuses to budge. So, in a calm voice (really), I warn her that if she doesn't get up when I say '3' she's gonna get.... but I don't finish, because I don't really know what to say. This is not worth a punishment, honestly. Well, finally, she does give it up, in a huff, but as Boy is pulling the chair back to him, he bangs Princess's finger.
ENOUGH. I'VE HAD IT. That's when I semi-blow. I tell him, under no circumstances is that chair to be at the table, but he refuses to listen. So, Daddy says, "maybe he doesn't deserve to play a video game with me (which they were gonna do after supper)." Boy thinks. I tell him, "either you bring the chair to the table and you have it, but you don't get to play, or you put the chair back and sit nicely and you'll get to play."
Boy is NOT happy, as he pushes the chair back. it falls to the floor. Ooops. He knows that's not good, so he quickly picks it up and puts it back nicely, but doesn't stop his grumbling. I'd love to punish him for grumbling, because I can't STAND it, but Rule #3- choose your battles. Don't fight everything. I chose to chill. And you konw what? Things calmed down pretty quick after that. Showers were taken, homework done and games played, all with little incident.
My only little secret, is that I give my kids Melatonin, about 1/4 of a teaspoon or less, but it helps calm them down and lets them fall asleep at a decent hour. And it gives me some time to rest. I've had days where my kids were in bed at 7:30 and the last one only fell asleep at 10pm. Not fun.
Rule #4- cut yourself some slack! This is mine:)
So, my Rules for today: 1- don't break promises, 2- feel your child's pain, 3- choose your battles, and 4- cut YOURSELF some slack!
There's probably many more rules in there somewhere. There always is. but, I think, overall, today was a good day... Now, I have to study. I wish I could parent myself sometimes...sigh.
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