Holding on

Saturday night- April 28
        I can't believe I held out so long.  It was a hard week, somehow.  As the week wore on, I was getting more and more terse with my kids.  I couldn't handle the loud noises, kvetching, whining, and rowdiness.  I just couldn't.  It didn't help that half the time I had to spend in bed, because I was feeling contractions, which I shouldn't be, in my barely eighth month.  I can't say I was too proud of myself this week.  Yes, I managed to brush Actress's hair at least two times!  I guess that's an accomplishment, along with preparing the kid's snacks' and lunches.  But I couldn't handle Princess's theatrics when she didn't want to wear what I prepared for her.  I just left.  I was late for carpool anyway.
        The one good thing I did do, was I cancelled my after-work one-on-one job with this boy I work with.  I only did it, because I was feeling terrible, sure that I was going to give birth any minute, but I also got home earlier and was able to be there with my kids.  For that, anything is worth it, as much as I can't handle the rowdiness, kvetching and everything else that comes along with it.
        Then, this weekend, I went to two extremes.  First, on Friday night, I was, again, not feeling well, so I told Daddy that I was going to bed and could he please take care of the kids.  He did.  He was really good about it, and I went to bed.  The next morning, on Shabbos, I woke up early.  I don't even try to wake up Daddy.  It's not worth it.  He's just not a morning person.  But, I almost couldn't handle it.  As many times as I asked Boy to be quiet, or to be a little quieter, he just couldn't.  Sometimes, I think that he just CAN'T.  He doesn't have ADHD as far as I know.  Trust me.  I thought of that a looooonnnnggg time ago!  He's just one of those more energetic kids that has a loud voice and has a hard time controlling himself.  He does great in school, so I'm not putting him on meds so that he can be quiet at home.  That would be absurd.  but I sure feel like doing it sometimes.
        I told the kids, if they got dressed, then they could go to shul.  So, Actress and Princess did just that.  And they were ready in no time.  Boy.... well... he just rolled on the floor (literally) twirled his clothes, took one arm out of his pj top, and then realized that everyone else had gone, so started getting dressed really quick.  Of course, he asked for my help, but, knowing how perfectly capable he is, I told him that he had had the chance of me helping him when I had been in the room helping Princess, but now I was busy preparing for the meal.  I did relent and help him with the buttons, but that was it.  Finally, he was ready.  Luckily, I was busy preparing, because I think I would have gone mad, watching him putting on one sock.. a.t. a. t.i.m.e.  Just like that.
        That morning was not good.  I yelled at Boy for spilling milk on the table and not cleaning it up, but it might not have been him, in the end.  I still don't know for sure.  I looked calm when I told the kids that they had to sweep up the mess they made on the living room floor with the croutons, but I was just below the simmering point.  But one thing I did today that made me proud of me, was later on.  Boy had come home from playing outside and the two girls were at a neighbor, playing.  I really really just wanted to read and relax, but then I focused on Boy, who was scrounging through the snack cabinet, then looking in the fridge, then just sitting and trying to talk to me.  I realized, he was bored!  After trying to see if there were any friends he might want to go to (none), I told myself, "ok, this is not right.  You don't have many chances to spend quality time with him."  So, I shut my book and said, "Do you want to play a game with me?"  If you knew how much effort that took for me to do..... but his quick response was worth it.  And, you know?  We had fun!  He taught me a new game, and we really had fun! By the time we were done, Daddy had to get up and then supper was served and after two more card games of Old Maid with Actress- the rowdiness started up again. 
        I couldn't handle it.  The minute Shabbos was over, I told Daddy- "I'm locking myself in the room.  I just can't handle this right now."  And that's where I am now.  The kids are sleeping, but not before their rowdiness got a little too out of hand that Daddy had to intervene, in a not-so-pleasant manner, but it achieved the quietness in the house!
        So, I can't say I was too proud of myself and would give myselft the Mother of the Year award, but it was nice to play a game together:)  That's worth it!